


No Mourners, No Funerals

by Introverted_Mess



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, I am so sorry, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Inej reuniting with her parents, Kanej - Freeform, Kaz feels guilty, M/M, Menagerie mentioned, Non-Canonical Character Death, Post-Book 2: Crooked Kingdom, They argue, Well - Freeform, they fight, wesper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 04:44:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20901845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Introverted_Mess/pseuds/Introverted_Mess
Summary: After the events of Crooked Kingdom, Kaz witnesses Inej reunite with her family and he realizes something when her Father comes to thank him. A few months later, after she leaves on The Wraith, when Inej returns to Ketterdam, they have a well needed conversation.





	No Mourners, No Funerals

**Author's Note:**

> This was so much fun to write.

Kaz watched her as she reunited with her parents. She was so happy that she had her family back, her _real_ family. A deep ache made a home in his chest and he realized just how much he needed her; and how little she needed him now that their contract was broken, and she had her family back.

Mr. Ghafa let go of his daughter and approached Kaz with an unreadable expression on his face; like Inej, he was silent.

“Mr. Brekker,” he stopped walking once in front of Kaz, “I believe some thanks is in order. You have returned our daughter to us after so many years,” his glassy eyes betrayed his emotions. “We are so very grateful that Inej has had someone like you looking out for her, you are a good man, Mr. Brekker.”

The ache hit deeper, only he didn’t know why. He was just called a good man. That’s a good thing, right?

Kaz glanced behind the older man to see Inej and her mother watching the interaction with smiles on their faces and tears running down their cheeks. Inej nodded slightly, meaning both _he means it_ and _thank you_.

He let himself smile, it felt forced, “I thank you, sir, however, I cannot accept your thanks,” Mr. Ghafa opened his mouth to protest, but Kaz cut him off with a raised hand. “Really, Mr. Ghafa, Inej looked out for herself. She kept herself alive, I was merely a backup.”

The memory of Inej laying on the ground bloodied, invaded his mind. How his heart dropped to his stomach before stopping all together. How he felt suddenly sick and started praying to her saints begging that she was okay. How the dread and fear turned into anger. How all he did for the days that she was unconscious was threaten the crew of the ship and his crew alike. How her pale and sweat-coated body looked so much like a corpse that the first time he saw her, he threw up in the bin outside the room.

Mr. Ghafa’s voice pulled him out of his trance, “If you were not there for Inej, only the Saints know what would have happened to her. You are as responsible for her wellbeing as she is.”

Inej came up behind her father, “Papa’s right, Kaz,” shock hit him like lightning, “if it weren’t for you, I’d still be-“ she stopped herself and Kaz’s theory that she didn’t want her parents to know about the Menagerie was confirmed.

“Be what, baby?” Inej’s mother had appeared next to her, a hand on her shoulder.

Neither parents saw the slight flinch at the pet name. Kaz did.

Inej’s eyes flew to his in a slight panic. She couldn’t lie about this, he realized. There was too much emotion involved and these were her _parents,_ she couldn’t lie to them. She was asking him to do it for her.

“Be living on the streets,” he offered, having already conceived a convincing story for the instance in which this interaction was to occur.

Mrs. Ghafa’s eyes filled with tears and Kaz saw why Inej didn’t want them to know. Her parents wouldn’t be able to handle the information very well, it would be too much.

He met Inej’s eyes again, _thank you_.

This time, the half-smile came naturally, _of course._

</\,

“Inej is back!” Jesper came running into his office, “She just pulled into the harbor!” He was vibrating with excitement and untamed energy.

Kaz laid down the file he was reading- information on some merchants that might come in handy later- and grabbed his cane as he stood up. His chest felt light, he felt dizzy. Inej was home.

He followed Jesper to the docs, where the beautiful ship rested; where, in front of the ship, the most beautiful woman Kaz had ever seen stood, talking to one of her crew.

“Inej!” Jesper called out, waving vigorously.

She looked over at them and a grin lit up her face. It reached her eyes; he didn’t think he’d live to see the day where a smile actually reached her eyes. She was genuinely happy. She nodded at the sailor and he walked towards the markets, probably to stock up on food and other supplies.

Jesper enveloped her in a bear-hug, making Kaz wish he could do the same.

“I can’t believe you’re back!” Jesper exclaimed, releasing her from his arms, “It feels like it’s been forever.”

Her grin widened and she laughed, “It’s only been a few months.”

She met Kaz’s eyes and they stayed that way as she walked up to him, “Hey.”

He tilted his head slightly to the left, “You came back.”

“Yes…I guess I did,” they were coming closer together.

“Why?” He didn’t mean for his voice to break.

She broke the eye contact by lowering her eyes to the cobblestone beneath them, “I felt I was missing something,” her voice was quiet and unguarded, in a way that she has only ever used once. _I can help you_.

Kaz took off his gloves and put them in his suit pocket without taking his eyes off her, “And what was that?”

She looked back up at him, vulnerability shining in her eyes, and when she spoke, her voice was soft and strained, “I think you know.”

He did.

He took her hand in his. Flesh against flesh. Jesper was long forgotten.

“You know I can’t give that to you,” he wanted more than anything to give it to her. He knew he couldn’t, yet his body reached out for her, longing for her gentle touch.

She closed her eyes, a tear fell, “Can’t or won’t?” The wall had come back up. She pulled her hand away.

“Inej…” Again, his voice broke, the wall was crumbling and for once, he couldn’t control it.

She opened her eyes, fire burning behind them, “Can’t or won’t, Kaz?” The sharpness in her voice could cut a man in two, the hardness could crush what’s left.

“I _can’t_.”

“You just did,” her volume was raised. This couldn’t be happening, not now.

“You don’t get it Inej, I _can’t_. I want to so badly, but I _can’t_. You have no idea how badly I want to hold you, to kiss you, to just feel your skin against mine, to let myself be open to you, to tell you about everything, to let you comfort me, but I _can’t_,” he was _not_ going to cry. Not here.

Inej’s face was wet from her own tears, in a manner he’d only seen when she saw her parents that fateful day when he let her go.

“I know,” her voice was hoarse, “I just, I want it too. Very badly,” she groaned in frustration and lamely attempted to wipe her face. “I’m sorry, Kaz. I just can’t do this.”

“I know.”

“We’re stuck.”

“I know.”

“I’m leaving in a week,” a silent invitation.

“We’ve been over this; the Dregs need me.”

“_I_ need you,” the closest thing he was going to get to a confession.

“I can’t leave them; it would be utter chaos without me.”

“I can’t stay.”

“We’re stuck,” the ultimate summarization of their relationship.

Inej just nodded, the last of the tears drying up under the sun.

Her skin was darker than the last time he saw her, he realized. Much darker.

“You’re staying with me and Wylan, right?” Jesper stepped into the conversation, cutting the tension smoothly.

She smiled again, this one didn’t reach her eyes, “Of course! I’ll be there tonight.”

Jesper grinned, “Awesome, I’ll set up a room and tell Wylan the good news!” He ran away from the doc, in the direction of his home. Huh, a home. It seemed like Kaz was the only one without one of those. Unless you count the one home he couldn’t have.

“I’ll see you again, I hope,” He turned and put his gloves back on.

“You as well, Kaz,” he walked into the crowded street and let himself be swept away by the people.

</\,

The news of her ship being overrun with pirates spread through the country fast.

The story went that as they were crossing a dangerous part of the True Sea when out of nowhere, a ship overtook them. There was a mighty battle, both crews lost a valuable amount of men and women. In the end, no one survived.

Kaz froze as he heard a woman telling her friend about it one day in the market.

He turned to her and grabbed her arms, shaking her, “What was the ship’s name?”

She was frightened by the confrontation, he could see it, but he didn’t let go, “What was its name?” He urged her to tell him.

“The Wraith,” her voice was small, and her friend was starting to head towards a soldier.

Kaz let go of her arms and fled to his office. Dread ran through every vein of his body. She couldn’t be. She wouldn’t go out like this. She would live a long life, with him, here in Ketterdam. She wasn’t _dead_.

He vomited into the trashcan next to his desk.

He’d thrown away the future he longed for long ago. When he bought her future for her, when he’d contacted her parents, when he told her that he couldn’t do the _one_ thing she asked of him. He threw it all away and now, it would never happen.

He waited for her to come back, or for news of a survivor to reach Ketterdam. He waited. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. After a year of waiting for something, anything, Jesper and Wylan cracked.

“Kaz, she’s gone,” Wylan said quietly one night as they sat in front of his and Jesper’s fireplace.

Jesper glanced at Wylan, then at Kaz, trying to see if he needed to interfere. Trying to see if Wylan was going to be put in danger because of his statement.

Kaz shook his head, “She’s not.”

“Kaz, it’s been a year.”

“She wouldn’t. She’s too strong,” Kaz was the most emotional Jesper had ever seen him. Tears were burning at his eyes and his knuckles were white as he clutched the armrests of the chair, he was sitting in.

“We miss her too, and as much as we wish it weren’t true…Kaz, Inej is dead. She died with the ship. You have to accept that,” Wylan wasn’t giving up, and for once, Jesper knew Kaz was going to lose this one.

Kaz just closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the chair, a tear slipping out from under his eyelid.

“We could have a service for her, a Ravkan service,” Jesper suggested cautiously.

“I have to tell her parents,” Kaz croaked out, “I have to take responsibility.”

Jesper paled, “No, Kaz, it’s not your fault.”

“I gave her the ship. I broke our contract. She was my responsibility.”

“That doesn’t make it your fault,” Wylan tried to persuade Kaz. “It doesn’t matter anyways, her parents must already know; again, it’s been a year and the news spread like wildfire.”

Kaz opened his eyes, and his scheming face came to light.

“Kaz?”

“Start planning a memorial service Jesper, and Wylan? Send invitations to all of the Dregs and her family, make sure Nina knows.”

</\,

The crowd had left several hours ago, but Kaz stayed standing in front of the small tombstone.

_Inej Ghafa_

_The Wraith_

_May the Saints take care of you_

“Inej,” his voice was hoarse, and his eyes were red, dark bags forming underneath them, “I’m so sorry. This was my fault. All of it. If I had just been less guarded, if I had let you in, then maybe-“ his voice cut out. He couldn’t say anymore.

He bit his lip hard and a coppery taste flooded his mouth. His knuckles were white around his cane. His free fist was clenched, and he felt his nails break through the skin.

He kneeled in front of the tombstone, marking a grave with no body. He didn’t speak for what felt like hours.

“I loved you, you know,” his voice was quiet. “I would have given you anything you asked for. I would have done anything to make sure you were going to be safe. I did. The net, making sure you were with me or at least one other person. I still do. Love you, I mean. I never said it though, because, there wasn’t any way I could make it work. I wish I could,” he took a shaky breath. “When you were stabbed before we got on the ship to Fjrda, I have never been more scared. I thought I was going to lose you. And now, I have.”

The wind rustled the few trees around them. The day was too bright. It was too colorful. It was too happy. Why wasn’t anything gray? Why wasn’t it raining? Why was the sun still alive? Shouldn’t it be dead? She is.

Kaz shook his head, accepting defeat. He stood up, not looking away from the stone in the ground.

“No mourners,” he turned and walked back to the city.

_No funerals_.


End file.
